Knowing when to speak up

I’ve been struggling to write. As I’ve said before, there is so much I want to share it can be hard to know how and when to break it up, then it feels like too much and don’t write at all. Especially this week, cause it’s been incredibly difficult. All I am feeling and wanting to put down is sad, and may I say… heartbreaking? At least it is for me and I’m sure for a few of the sweet people reading it.

A friend asked me the other day how I was feeling about the blog and I responded, “I love it, and really, I need it. I didn’t realize how much it helps me to process all of these emotions and events knowing someone is reading all of it. It’s like pouring your heart out to someone and they just listen. You don’t need a response, just knowing someone is there and listening is all anyone really needs“.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for valuing me and what I have to say.

I am so blessed to have such an incredible community around me here in the Springs. I’ll be moving into a friends house with 2 of my pups as I wait for Ian to finish up school in Oklahoma. Only 2 months left, thank goodness.

Yesterday everything became very real, and the emotion was almost too hard to bear. My parents are really divorced (this was just finalized in Dec/Jan), we are selling my childhood home that holds 16 years of precious memories and someone else is going to call it home. Mmm, that last sentence is hard to write. My heart aches and my eyes well up.

There is a lot here that we will be leaving behind, and for that, I want it to have its own post that I will share next week.

I am still learning (aren’t we all) to speak up when I need help, and to be brave and handle things that scare me on my own, too. As I said, this week has been incredibly difficult because of all of the change happening and anticipating to come. But half of the battle has been doing it alone while Ian has been at school with a whole different set of demands and obligations. Which is ok, but it’s been an adjustment to say the least.

We weren’t planning on seeing each other for another month, but I had to speak up and ask him to come to help me make this transition.

I just couldn’t bear the thought of leaving behind such a beloved place all by myself and settling into a new one without him.

I felt embarrassed and I don’t know, weak I guess, asking for help like I should be able to do this without showing how hard it is for me. If you do this too, stop! It is so unnecessary! There is definitely a time and place to put your big girl pants on and #doitscared (that is actually a tattoo on my left arm), but when you are terrified and feeling completely alone, you need to speak up and ask for help. I know it’s hard, but in the end, it is better and I can guarantee the people around you want to help, love and support you. Let them.

Thanks again for being here, I am excited to share with you some of my sweetest memories in this house of mine next week…

Until then – HH