Part THREE- What I have learned th​e last three years of marriage

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The back story…

Y’all, I am SO super excited about this post! This post is really what got ALL of this started. I’m talking the whole blog. About a year and a half ago, two of my good friends said they were going to start a bible study and asked if I would join. I happily agreed! Like me, Madison was newly married and Kameryn was newly engaged.

Looking back, that small weekly study changed this part of my life for the better.

Ian and I got married at 19, and very few, if any, of our friends, were also married. This was really hard for me. It was hard to transition into this new and exciting role without many of my friends to relate with me in my struggles, and successes.

Side note: Give grace to your newly married friends. They are also trying to figure out how your friendship will work while navigating their new role as a wife.

Book 1

During our bible study, Maddy brought up this new book she was reading titled “For Women Only”. The title alone was intriguing, but I was most excited to see if there were some tools it offered that I might be missing. I vividly remember asking God just weeks before to reveal to me what the heck I was missing and wondering why was this marriage thing was so hard.

The more we understand the men in our lives, the better we can support and love them in the way they need to be loved. In other words, this revelation is supposed to change and improve us.

Author of For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn

In chapter two she talks about how our love alone is not enough for men. She backs it up with all kinds of eye-opening stats that really show us, women, how wonderfully different men are from us. Their needs are not the same as women’s needs.

I know you know this, and I also knew this… But I had no idea how much my thoughts, actions, and words were affecting the men in my life, specifically my husband.

You have a big influence on those around you.

She goes on in the next few chapters about respect, mens need and desire to provide, sex and how thier emotions work. Why they seem reluctant but deep down want to romance you, and my favorite, what your man most wishes you knew about him. That last chapter was so encouraging.

She gathers all of this information based on surveys taken by men. It was incredibly interesting to see their responses! I learned so much just from the surveys!

I am beyond grateful for Shaunti and her book. It truly changed my life. Her husband also wrote a book titled, “For Men Only”! So men, you too, can read up on how to best support and love the women in your life!

My sweet friend, Kameryn and her, now husband, Ben are brilliant! They shared with me how they each read the book for the other person (HE read ‘for women only’ and SHE read ‘for men only’) and each of them highlight what was most important to them for their spouse to read. Then when they switch books and read as normal, they each got to see the points and concerns that matter MOST to the other person. I hope this makes sense….

Anyways, I thought it was a fabulous idea. Shaunti covers a lot of info, and having a few of her points highlighted to know what was most important to Ian would be so helpful! Ian and I agreed that after school when we have settled again, we will each do this. And in return, have an incredible start back together again. Eeep I can’t wait!

Book 2

Fast forward 7 or 8 months… Once again Kameryn has an amazing book she has to share with me. We sat in her newly married and decorated living room and discussed her recent book discovery titled “Wife for Life”. Remembering a few months back how drastically Ian and I’s relationship had changed because of “For Women Only”, I quickly ordered it. I couldn’t imagine how Ian and I could get any closer than we had gotten that summer. I am so glad I was wrong.

Ramona Zabriskie in “Wife for Life” is incredibly encouraging. She truly has a gift for empowering women to step up and create the marriage they have always wanted. I am only half way through the book… (I am NOT a fast reader) and already feel like I can be an amazing wife simply becuase of her ideas and encouragement. You can too.

The last year and a half has made up for our incredibly difficult first year, over and over again. I am more fulfilled, delighted, in awe and at peace than I have ever been before.

There are SO MANY life lessons and trials that have brought this, but really, it comes from these books, prayer and the Holy Spirit.

What next?

Think about this… If your husband went out of his way to grow as a person so he could be a better lover, provider, and husband to YOU, I can guarantee you would feel so loved and cared for. Do that for your husband. You are not doing yourself or your marriage any favors by NOT having a growth mindset.

If you’re not married, then do it for you and the men that are currently in your life.

Hear me when I say this… You have so much influence. You have so much impact. You have an incredibly high ability to encourage and inspire others. But it’s up to you to do it.

Update on the move!

As I am writing this, we have 7 days left! Wow, that is just crazy to me that these 6, incredibly difficult, months have passed and are coming to a close. I have learned soooo much, but I am very glad it’s almost over!

Military spouses, you guys are incredible. You don’t get enough credit for what you do year after year. Thank you for giving up so much.

I am thinking my next post or 3 part series will be on friendship! Friendship can be so hard and also very rewarding. I would not have found these books I just talked about or had the support in order to implement the things I learned without my girlfriends…

To Madison and Kameryn, I love you both. Thank you for being a light to me and consistently being there to encourage and pick me back up again. You have changed my life for the better, and my eyes and heart well up just thinking about my gratitude for you both.

Until next time- H